Friday, 26 April 2013

E - Man or He Man?

What do you do when no matter how much you try to do good actions it is never enough from those around you. 

I never thought the day would come where my own flesh and blood would hang me up to dry making comments and judgements about my deen and saying it's pointless learning as I am not practicing. Other members of my family making grave calls about my actions being a means to "killing" my dear mother.  I can't write anymore as it hurts thinking about this.

The last few months have been a real challenge.  My wife went into labour  two months ago and delivered our first born after an emergency cesarean which followed by a further operation within a space of a week. Wife and baby remained in hospital for two weeks and I went in everyday staying on occasions sleeping on a make do chair. 

Further more having come back home after a few weeks my fathers health deteriorated.  He failed to talk freely which after a few weeks progressively became worse.  Even with me having a new baby to deal given my wifes recovery from 2 operations, it was again me taking full care of my father even when other siblings where around.  It was I who notified the Gp got the rapid response team involved to check dad out day in day out for over a week now. 

Whilst all this was going on. In parallel mum was also unwell and she mentioned chest pains to my siblings. And then after mentioning to me on one occasion which due her history I immediately called the gp and furthermore notified emergency services.  In summary she experienced heart failure and its almost two weeks that she remains in hospital.   I have been going almost everyday to visit her and speaking to the a doctor's about the status of her condition.

Yet with all this going on I have also tried to look for a job as I my role was made redundant over 3 months ago.  I have been getting very little support upto now and really been trying to support others new baby wife mother and father.  Also keeping my eyes on maintaining the home keeping up to date with the shopping and bills which I am fully responsible for getting absolutely no support from those siblings working.

With all this going on my siblings still have the nerve to say I am not doing enough for my parents.   Making astonishing comments and holding me to a barrell reminding me of sins I have done over 20 years ago as a means of playing ball.

Now what do I do my faith is dwindling.  I continue to pray and read Qur'an and attend lectures and courses.  But now feel really disheartened and very disappointed with my siblings.  Feel my emaan is taking a dive and I am reaching out to anyone a cry of help this you may say...