This was a 5 hour workshop which I attended pretty much at the last minute, there was very little to do on this day, apart from watch the footy on TV and well with the end of the season, thought better to spend 5 hours and to understand the Fiqh of Marriage! We all have to start somewhere and must say the course was definitely enlightening, Alhamdulillah!
I will write a few things from each learned person:
Mufti Mhmd. Ibn Adam - Making the right choice
- Make the right choice: one must take time out to seek the most suitable spouse for oneself. This is extremely important and should not be taken lightly.
- One should seek a spouse for one of four things (from well narrated Hadith on this matter) (i) Deen/Character; (ii) Wealth; (iii) Lineage (iv) Beauty and follows on saying, let it be deen.
- Some scholars say that it is better to look at external beauty first then you can investigate her level of deen and piety (with the hikmah of nikaah being a form of protecting ones chastity).
- Physical attraction: Imam Nawawi narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said a prospective women can show her face and hands. With the face being the obvious beauty and the hands being the indication of her physical condition and structure of her body.
- Suitability and Compatibility: Do not delay if you find someone compatible. What is compatibility? someone who shares the same goals and objectives/aims in your life.
- Find someone who has a purified heart, must therefore look at more than ones external beauty. As if the heart is good then the external manifestation of this will also be good and warm. There are many books on the Purification of ones heart and will write a list of this in my blogg in later editions Insha'Allah.
- If both partners are pious; you are both likely to enter Jannah and if so will meet there too.
- Without Nikaah the two people are strangers to each other, therefore being alone together is prohibited (as in such cases the 3rd person is Shaytan). If you go against this then you will be chipping at the blessings from Allah.
- Try to keep engagements short, if longer than do a Nikah and then before marriage can refresh the vows.
- Brothers should not use the Psychological abuse of the term "Talaq" (divorce) on their wife, as you cannot joke with divorce as its a legal shariah statement. Best to avoid using this word or making any indirect reference to it.
He has an excellent book also called "The Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations", the first as many have told me of its kind in the English language. As there are many traditional Arab texts on this subject matter which has not been translated into English.
This is such a taboo subject in our communities which does not have to be that way as many Islamic marriages may have issues stemming as a result of this. The Mufti mentions as the Prophet (SAW) said, that when there is matters of deen, we should not be too modest. Don't be shy this is a spiritual disease as otherwise you will overlook aspects of deen by doing this.
NB: Pride and shyness are two major things that prevent people from acquiring Ilm.
I would recommend to all those who are married and who are looking to get married read this, and make dua that Allah benefits the readers implement the knowledge. Ameen. Make dua for the Mufti who has worked hard albeit Vs a small minority of Muslims for the publication.
Ayesha (RA) said "How admiral are the women of the Ansar" in reference to their Hayya in learning.
Some brief notes:
-Happiness in the bedroom usually equated to happiness in Marriage
-Don't make something Halal (permissible) Haram (prohibited) for yourself. If something that is disliked (Makrouh) then it may be allowed if in the event it will save the marriage.
-Right of both spouses (not just the mans)
-Psychological and Physical preparation for Pre/Post SR
There is much more in the book mentioned above.
Shaykh Hassan Ali - Blissful Marriage
Ali ibn Abu Talib was asked "What is Marriage? He replied;
- A month worth of happiness, after that;
- A whole era and lifetime of worries, stress, response, after that;
- Back starts to bend, after that
- Time to go to the grave
-Get to know the characteristics of a person before you marry them. The Myers Briggs Personality Indicators could be used as a tool to find suitability in personality as this is a character matching technique which some have found useful as you can find a lot about a person through this.